For Fear of What?
by Fellheart
Summary: UPDATED!!! Finally! Shinji reaches out to Rei, but no changes...an Angel attacks..This one mostly goes out to Razer Flaresoul...
1. What time is it?

__

I don't own Eva, it is the property of Gainax. All the characters…blah-blah, you know, I am poor anyways. So what are they going to take? This isn't even my computer…^_^

For Fear of What?

The sun was low as it cast its last, few, dying rays upon Tokyo-3. The streets were abuzz with activity as people began their Friday nights. Scurrying about in fragile lives.

But not everyone was willing to go out and 'live the night life'.

Rei stood by her window looking out at the industrial part of her neighborhood. She felt restless; there had been no angel attacks for, what could have been weeks. She didn't know, she was home for recovery and was completely cut-off from the outside world, but that was the only way she ever lived. She didn't have any visitors, (not that she ever did), not even a call from Dr. Akagi.

Rei lay slowly down, careful not to arouse the beast of pain that slept dormant in her arm. She sighed as thoughts began flooding her mind; thoughts of the people she knew, but the person the appeared the most to her was no longer Commander Ikari, but his son. He was the only person to ever treat her nice, not like some puppet, or some doll, but like an actual person.

Her cheeks turned crimson as she began to wonder where the Third Child was at this moment. The images disappeared as she realized what she was doing. 

"Why do I blush when I think of Ikari-kun?" 

She said aloud to the empty apartment, half expecting an answer. She felt lonely and wanted companionship.

"Do I? Is that what I wish? A 'companion'?" 

She spoke again to no one. 

She looked up at the clock; it was 7:28 p.m.

She stood and moved to her nightstand, she picked up her medication and begun the perilous struggle to open the tiny, orange, container. 

A knock at the door startled Rei, but she ignored the possible visitor, and continued grappling with the bottle.

"Ayanami?" Shinji's voice reached Rei's acute hearing, it was a voice of caring. "Ayanami? May I come in?" Shinji questioned the door. 

Rei moved quicker in her attempts to obtain her medication using only one hand. But in her fumbling, Rei hit her fingers, pain shot through her arm and she let out a cry of pain.

Shinji worried by the screech, pushed open the door. Rei turned her head towards the opening door, the pill bottle dropped from her hand, medicine spilled out, scattering out on the floor, like a tiny multi-colored galaxy being formed at your feet. Shinji rushed in, looking for some sign of an attacker, but there was no such intruder, all he saw was Rei, knelt down, picking up the pills that had dotted the floor.

"Ayanami?" Rei's head was faced down concentrating on the tedious chore of picking up and cleaning off every single one of the tablets.

He looked at her, thinking of what to say, wanting to be a comforting person. 

"You know, you can ask for help. I am…willing to help you."

Rei looked at him for the first time since he had arrived and nodded.

Shinji knelt beside her and started sweeping them into his hand.

"Ikari-kun?" Rei asked without slowing. Shinji looked up questioning like.

"Would…you help…me replace my bandages?" She felt relief as she got it all out. Shinji smiled, "Oh, of course I will." Rei picked up the last of the medication, setting two aside for now. Her hand hurt a lot, it was a throbbing, white, almost blinding pain, and she noticed she needed to wash her arm too.

Shinji returned with medical gauze and a washbasin, from the kitchen, he slowly unwrapped her arm in a very delicate manner, so as not to cause any further hurt. As he did this he stared at her flawless white skin, so creamy, and pure.

Rei looked down at him, wanting to say something, but no words would come to her semi-pursed lips. Shinji dipped the washcloth into the warm water and lightly began scrubbing her tender arm, very gentle. The water felt great, it was soothing and relaxing to Rei.

Shinji just stared, fixated on the way the hairs would be matted then bristle up as he wiped. Rei, while Shinji's head was turned towards his work, allowed herself a small smile, feeling good, and cared for. Shinji finished and looked up, catching this rare moment of emotion, locking gazes. Rei blushed and turned her head away, realizing she had made a mistake. "You have very beautiful eyes Ayanami." Shinji said as he faced back down, wrapping the sore appendage. Rei's cheeks darkened more so.

With out looking back up at her, he said, "Are you always so independent?" The color drained from her cheeks, as if she had been offended, she was taken back by the question. "Yes." Quick, simple, and straight to the point, Shinji would expect no other type of response from the First Child. That was the end of that topic and conversation; Shinji knew it before he asked.

"Thank you Ikari-kun." Rei said with an expressionless face. And with a hand on his shoulder slowly but efficiently ushered him out the door, Shinji realizing this simply said, "Okay, see you later Ayanami." He smiled and left. She closed the door with an exasperated sigh. Alone. Again.

She moved to the bed and laid down, head buried in pillows, thinking.

"Do I care for Ikari-kun?" she asked the empty room, hoping to fend off the loneliness, but it was useless, she couldn't keep it up all night, so she took the only other alternative; sleep. 9:16 p.m. it was time to sleep, "Good." She said as she drifted off to the nothingness that awaited her. No dreams, just sleep, until tomorrow. She would have to go back to school tomorrow.

**__**

Written by Fellheart 3/11/02-3/13/02


	2. How Close Can You Get?

                                                                **How Close Can You Get?**

Shinji Ikari smiled at the beautiful day that lay before him, pleasantly sunny and warm, but best of all: no Asuka for a whole day!

                                                *                                              *

                The beeping signaled the end of the tests; Asuka looked up from the test unit following a desperate sigh. She just wanted to hear some good news, some sign of improvement.

"Your synch-ratio is the same, no change." Dr. Akagi spoke through the microphone; she turned her head away from the displayed results, with an ominous look of disdain mounted across her face.

"But I was trying! I was really trying!" She yelled aloud to the empty locker room. "Why?!"

                She turned on the shower, and began the tedious work of removing LCL from her scarlet locks, hoping that her problems would flow away with the running water, swiftly down the drain.  

'How does that baka keep beating me?! He's weak!'

She drove her fist right into her locker, the clang of the metal resounded in the desolate changing room, reserved especially for Pilots. 'Pain and anger often go hand and hand.' She thought as she stared down at her reddening knuckles. A tear rolled down her cheek. 

"But…I'm supposed to be the…best…"

                                                *                                              *

As the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class, the Sensei entered.

"Stand!" The class reps. Voice reverberated of the walls of the classroom. "Sit!"

He then picked up some chalk and continued on about the Second Impact as if class had never ended.

 Shinji, already drowning out today's lecture, turned his attention to Rei. She was staring out the window,

basked in the golden sunlight, accentuating her delicate features. 

Her hair was an azure, identical to that of the sky, but lacking the tuffs of white.

Shinji turned back to his desk, hearing a small beep coming from the personal computer at his desk.

Why are you staring? Red flushed his cheeks, she'd noticed him.

Ayanami? He responded, knowing fully well it was her.

What drives you Ikari-kun? Shinji mouthed the words in his attempt to understand.

?

Why do you continue to pilot Shinji's face was blank, he was simply struck by the bluntness of her question.

Because no one told me to stop.

Ikari-kun, what's it like to make decisions on you own?

…

A siren blared out, signaling an angel attack.

                                *                                                              *

"It's confirmed! Pattern is blue!"

Maya Ibuki yelled out over the sudden commotion.

"200klms west of the city! Evacuation in progress!" She said aloud; alerting all her co-workers of the pressing dangers.

Misato Katsuragi leaned towards the forward viewing screen. "Asuka, use the lift and run towards the angel, draw its attention!"

"But I don't want to draw fire, make Shinji do it!" The immediate protest did little more then to annoy the purple-haired guardian.

The red Eva took off, rifle armed, shooting at the giant green angel, but of course its AT Field deflected the on-coming fire. The angel stood lurched-over, four spherical eyes stared out at the on-coming Unit 2.

Two arms stretched out, fists clenched, prepared for a fight, and without a single sign of fear.

"Asuka?! Damn her!" Misato slammed her fist down on the control console in front of her. "Shinji?" She asked following a long hung-over sigh.

"Hai!" Shinji responded with out a need for further instructions.

There was a humid air about them, steamy and arid. Sweat was dripping down Misato's face.

With any luck; all were evacuated, there should be no casualties, hopefully.

The buildings stood tall around them, like a modernized jungle, windows and steel beams replacing leaves and vines. 

Unit 1 charged out, strafing left and right as balls of pure blue energy were hurled past it, the angel's attention now was focused squarely on Shinji.

Its long muscular arms shot out, grappling with the purple monstrosity. They spun about, the angel pinning Shinji to the ground.

Trees and some small buildings were crushed under their combined weight, dust rose up from the land.

Shinji let out an angry cry, forcing his controls as best he could, but alas, to no avail.

With a sudden blur, there stood Unit 2, Asuka grabbed Shinji's progressive knife. The angel turned, facing Asuka, still entangled with Unit 1, only to have the knife buried deeply into its face, imbedded in its skull.

The angel let out an un-Godly cry of pain and agony, then, without any lapse in his attention, Shinji moved up the Eva's arm, bursting his hand through the beast's chest.

Shinji closed his fist around the angel's core, crushing it effortlessly.

There was an explosion of green skin and red guts, followed by the yellow light of the blast.

Shinji screamed out as the light blinded him, the intensity of the light and heat of the blast gave Shinji a feeling of dissolving into the LCL around him, and he then passed out.

"Shinji-kun!?" Misato screamed out as fear enveloped her; she was frightened by the shear size of the implosion. Tears broke down her face. 'Shinji-kun, please…be…okay…'

Hands clasped together, staring out at the forward view screen, Gendo Ikari spoke in stoic manner completely unfazed by the scene that had just transpired before him. "Fuyutsuki, retrieve the Units and begin repairs." He nodded in reply. 'I shouldn't question his decisions…or his judgment…'

                                *                                                              *

Shinji awoke in the hospital, staring up at the overhead lights.

'Am I still alive? Does it matter?' His first thoughts on returning to the conscious world. The lights hummed in response.

He turned to see Rei sitting next to his bed.

"Is this reason enough for you to stop piloting?" She asked, contemplating the question, thinking about all the times she had been in here, why had she not asked herself that before?

"But no one said 'stop'…" He responded in a ragged and heavily drugged voice.

Rei stood and proceeded to leave, when she heard Shinji speak; "How long have you been here with me?"

She turned and stared deeply into his glazed and overly medicated eyes, searching for some response, something to say. Anything to level the playing field.

"I was told to wait until you or Pilot Sohryu awoke, now you have, so I am to return to my home." Her hand gripped the doorknob and turned, opening out into the quite cool hallway.

Under his breath Shinji muttered in a voice that was laced with painkillers,

"Leave me then…everyone does…" Rei heard this but made no attempt to console him, which is what Misato was for. 

But it would have made no difference, Shinji had already slipped off to sleep, back in to the drug-induced world of dreams, and illusions, maybe ignorance really is bliss...


End file.
